Tonight Sherry and I did our homework for this weeks Vertical Parenting Class. It involved individually asking each of our girls a series of 20 questions to determine what their Touch Point of Love is. The five touch points are as follows:
1. Encouraging Words
2. Acts of Service
3. Gift-Giving
4. Quality Time
5. Touch
I have to say that I am not surprised by what we found out. Without getting in to all of the details for each of our girls I will say that quality time with Mom and Dad stood out for all three girls. Today's families have many demands and responsibilities from work, school and home not to mention the potential to be overwhelmed with extra-curricular activities. Unfortunately, this means quality time can be the first Touchpoint to be crowded out. Things like eating dinner together and family devotions become rarity rather than the norm.
It is relatively easy to buy something special for my girls or even to say or do something nice but to carve out uninterrupted time just to be with them can be easily overlooked. I schedule appointments for work, ministry, sports and personal events but if I am not deliberate about scheduling uninterrupted time with my girls then days and weeks can go by without it happening. This means learning to say "no" to things that may seem urgent but really are not that important. I have learned that every time I say "yes" to someone else it usually means I have to say "no" to my wife or children.
Sherry and I both have been making an extra effort to spend one-on-one time with each of our girls. Sometimes we go out for a hot chocolate or to that casino for kids a.k.a. Chuck E Cheeze just to play a few games of skee-ball. or even just taking one of the girls to run a few errands can mean a lot to a child. It's amazing how much conversation you can have with a 9 year old while you are driving if you actually turn the radio OFF!
For me, I have started celebrating their birthday every month by taking them out for a few hours on their monthly birth "day." While it doesn't always work out as planned it does keep me on track and causes me to "pencil them in" as one of my most important priorities. It definitely has given them and me something to look forward to every month.
I am a firm believer that you cannot have quality time without quantity time. The more quantity time you spend with your children the greater chance you have of being there for those quality moments. Once again, I believe that time should be uninterrupted. By this I mean no television, no cell phone calls, no blackberry emails or anything else that would compete with your child for your time and attention. It took me a while but I realized that if I didn't answer that call or that email immediately it wouldn't be the end of the world!
I encourage anyone with children to take the test with them. You may or may not be surprised by what you find but one thing is for sure, you will know how to speak their language when you are done! You can download the Touchpoints of Love for Your Children here and print it out. There is also a Love Language Evaluation for husbands and wives that you can download here.
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